I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
