I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
