My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
