Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
