I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
