I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
