Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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