You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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