i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
