This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
