I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
