Too much gin, very little bucket
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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