my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
