god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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