I love black thongs
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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