Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
