The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
