i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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