That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
