It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
