i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I want to fling myself into the sun
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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