i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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