She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
