There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
