you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
