he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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