I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
