Tell her she can't have a vagina
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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