I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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