Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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