Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
