omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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