I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
