Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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