his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
