sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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