last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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