Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
