Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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