I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
