Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
