it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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