PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
