i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
