She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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