it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
