if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
