pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
