i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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