its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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