Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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